My emotions have been bouncing into almost every category that exists – shock, curiosity, amazement, fear, sadness, delight, gluttony, ambivalence, anger and pain.

I’m just not sure how to respond to the package.  Someone or a group of someones has been gracious and thoughtful for the last few months.  My spirits dip very, very low on the 9th of each month.  I wrote about it in this post, The Passing of the 9’s.   I’ve been receiving packages, to my office, on the 9th of each month.  Here is today’s package and note:

Berries1

Berries2

Berries3

The notes have varied in exact wording, but the sentiment is always the same.  Initially, I was shocked and curious.  Mystery packages??? Anonymous cards???  Huh???  I have a certain panache for detective work, so I jumped into this puzzle with much enthusiasm.  The originating company would give me no information, the shipping company wouldn’t give me any information, and the note itself said everything, yet nothing at all.  ***deep sigh***  Hmm, I didn’t know what to think.  A friend?  A family member?  A blog buddy?  A STALKER??  ***Yes, yes, I rolled my eyes AT MY OWN DAMN SELF***

Then, I prayed over the berries, shared with my co-workers and delighted in all their goodness.  And when I say goodness, I do mean good good goodness!!  They were absolutely scrumptious!!

Then the next box came.  And the next.  And the next. 

Each month, when the 9th arrived, so did a package. 

Do they make me feel better?  Worse?  Indifferent?  Honestly, I don’t know anymore.  The 9th is a hard day for me.   Do I love that others acknowledge the heaviness of the date?  Absolutely.  Do I hate that they remind me of the date?  Absolutely.  It’s scary to think that people will forget my husband and scarier still that many have already distanced themselves from me and my grief.  Do I really want and need to be reminded that it is indeed the 9th?  No!  Yes!!  No!!  YES!!

I’m grateful that someone, or a group of someones, thinks so very highly of LittleTDJ and I.   So highly in fact that they want to spend money on us monthly.  I’ve sat and stewed over the mystery, as have my co-workers.  I surely can’t figure out the identity of the sender and no one is stepping up to take credit (duh!!  that’s why they sent it anonymously).  Yet, I still feel as if I owe them a deep and sincere thank you.

So, to the person or persons out there sending me strawberries, Thank You.  I have received them each month and regardless of how I feel when they arrive, I believe that I understand the honest and pure intention behind each package.  I hope that you’ll understand the complexity of my emotions regarding them and not be offended by my honesty.

 

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